ever since school start, life has become nothing more than just a dead routine, exhausted by the end of the day. drained by school and work. going home eventually i have a bad feeling for the semester, something tells me i would have to come back and complete all my CE shit. 

its been a good month. but still, i cant stop thinking about you. 

 

 

 at the end of the day. its people like us. 
that deserve the last laugh.

 when the one you truly love goes around fucking your life right in front of you. testing your minimum sanity left. 
i have always thought, it was just me, my own colourful imagination. but now my very fear and insecurities had finally came smacking right at my face. now the truth hits me, leaving me more lonely that before. truths and trust comes hand in hand. you took away my trust in you leaving the truths in vain. i'd once choose you as a friend but now, im letting this decision kill me. a choice that i shouldnt even had made in the first place. 

at the end of the day, everyone are liars. and seeing the ones you dearly love stab you right in your heart with a big smile on their face, now thats what i call truth. a ugly one. 

 

the closest pain, comes from betrayal. the only pain capable of taking me down now. im all set and filled with hatred now.

blogging is sucha chore now. semester break aint doing me any good at all. just wasting my day away, waiting for you to be home soon. and re-start life. *hopefully* you are all that i have now, please come home safe. im right here waiting for you. always. 

 

too much hatred has been pilling inside me recently. this weekend, ive been feeling exceptionally good, beautiful you can say.  please make the coming week even better. before all the hatred eats me up and kill me. 

 

 

 

dear readers (okay if i even have any). ive been neglecting this space for the longest time ever. know the feeling when you have one thousand and one thing to write down but in the end, when you open up your blog site, your hands refuse to type anything out.  yeah its been like a good half a month, although not short, but all the shit that you can imagine happened, did come true. 

 

sooner or later in life, you will see the real ugliness of LIFE. living in false environment. soon coming to realise that after awhile. nothing is true anymore. to realise that even the ones that you think/thought is truthful to you all these while will turn out to be nothing but lies. fancy, how people bring people together. and eventually one of them get hurt. ive never been that happy-go-lucky girl, not the one that is always satisfied with little things. or rather, im just a sadist. 

im losing friends like how i used to drop money. friends come and go. i just happen to lose an gain friends too quickly. and 2 best friends in a year, how awesome is my life. 

K, sometimes i really dont know how to talk to you, dont know how to tell you things agn. you knew whats going on and still you took that step forward. you said things aint gna change, sorry dear but things did change. you shld know by now i pretty much a self-centered person, you can call me selfish as well i dont care. i blame myself for introducing him to you. and now AGAIN i seem like a bad guy.im putting a end to all this now. so the pain will be lessen, the best choice for us both. if you wna know the truth i hate seeing the both of you together. honestly, hate it. so for now, go enjoy your life. i dont really care anymore. 

 

 7am. a long distant phone call from you. although im all eggctied to be hearing your voice again after 3 months, i decided to hide it, fucking pride issue. you will be home soon, in less than a month's time. all the pain will be healed in less than a month's time. please baby, come home safe. after 4 months of tears, in less than a month, i will smile for you again. soon, you would mean the world to me again and there will be no one else between us. 
i love you. jianwen.

 

im officially 19. time to start spending my last teenage year wisely.